Alvas: Pass me the pork Buda
Since the last post there has been plenty of show boating and chest thumping in the office. Some have been matched but some have just been drops of oestrogen. Where do I start? Currently I am Mr Application for the simple act of creating conversation with a client who was genuinely interested in me or the computer behind me. I don’t know what hundreds of glances in the span of twenty minutes means, but I know she wanted me to share a word or more. Besides that, things have been pretty heated at the office. I’m not talking about physical temperatures though. It’s a clash of wordsmiths and egos. Who you ask? Well, let me take it from the top and try to wrap it up in a single post.
The giant killer, James Ng’ang’a, bit a little more than his mouth could hold. His suggestion of the guys at the office having pork for lunch was very well received and a date was set. On the day before, everyone was to make their orders depending on their “manly” abilities. Kiswili, Mike and I chose to have half a kilo each while Noel, Jonathan and Mr Pork Buda chose to have a kilo each. The material day was Friday the 8th of October 2013 and everyone was waiting for the pork that supposedly tasted like chicken. By noon, impatience was already kicking in and calls were made to confirm whether our money was used for rent. But James was not to disappoint.
At immediately half past noon, he walked in with a gym bag and the merchandise in tow. In no time, the food was on plates and it was time for everyone to eat the talk. The phrase coined by Pork Buda himself was “Mwanaume ni Kilo”. The first few bites went down very well and it seemed that everything was on course until, James started slouching on his seat. In the food circles, this is what we refer to as a food wall. His plate was half full and he wasn’t making any progress in the quest to be Bwana Kilo. The issue was not that he could not finish what was on his plate, because Jonathan couldn’t either and Noel cleared his hours later. The issue of concern was the manner in which Pork Buda taunted the guys who did not order for a kilo.
In the evening he got a chance to redeem himself on the foosball table and that he did without much fuss. Things were starting to look up for him after a disappointing campaign on the food front. Come Monday, the Pig Chronicles would be back to haunt him. Since Jonathan had been accepted for a role on Jersey Shore, he would no longer be part of #TeamKilo. In line with this, Alvas suggested we go for an office lunch at Spurs. All you can eat pork ribs! The taunts were resurrected and Mike was leading the onslaught. This was the time Pork Buda could have pulled out of the race to dethrone Kiswili but why would a man back down? Mani Pacquiao didn’t till he was knocked out. My perception was that this was probably the moment a man would go ham on ham.
Thursday 3pm and we were already at Spurs ready to prove who was the true gladiator. Kiswili, the defending champion was not in a hurry to make his grand entry. Anthony, the silent killer walked in and immediately the ribs started trickling in. The true phrase would have been #MwanaumeNiStrategy and Anthony as the Strategy Partner was the mastermind of this. By the fourth stack, Alvas had blamed old age on his early exit. By this time, the people’s champ had arrived and he wasn’t slowing down. After the sixth stack, Pork Buda was still going strong but his continuous wiping of hands did not go down well with some team members who shall not be mentioned. He stuck in there and when the next two stacks were brought in, he dug in like the champ he was aiming to dethrone. By the 9th stack, the pig hit back. Pork chop I call it. He couldn’t go on but at the time, he was at the top of the food chain. Little did he know, Simba mwenda pole ndiye mla nyama. Anthony, a.k.a Sticks was emerging as the true champion. He stacked stacks after stacks after stacks. Technically, I have to share in his victory because we are both soldiers of the same struggle, #TeamLean. At the end of the day, the Pig Chronicles had come back to haunt Mr Pork Buda.
On a lighter side though, Jonathan had caught the attention of some minors in the vicinity. The not so little girls kept on making passes at him but unfortunately, Jonathan was in the company of two Ex-officio members of #TeamMafisi. Mr Noel and I, his trusted consultant. This probably made Jonathan shy away from his young manly duty of fulfilling those minors’ dreams but probably at Jersey Shore he’ll be able to learn the tricks of the trade. And those kids were too big for their age if I may add. Our next venture, a CSR, should probably be at Sterling Quality where #TeamMafisi can at least not be judged for giving in to their cultural needs. The evening ended with people bagging different awards.
Pork Buda: I am still King
Mike: Are you having that?
Anthony: I’m having the last stack
Jonathan: Have you seen those mamis Noel?
The OG+A Glutton Awards 2013
MVP : Anthony Githua
Surprise Package : Jonathan Owuor
Butt of Jokes : James Ng’ang’a
Flop of the session : Noel Otieno
No expectation : Edward Oyugi
Catch up King : Michael Araka
Reigning Champ : Joseph Kiswili
Retirement Benefit : Alvas Onguru
Most discussed : The little Jonathanian girls
Edward Oyugi (@Tedpot1) is a copywriting Intern at OG+A. His views ARE representative of management’s views.